Question:
How can I deal with grief?
Naming
Yes you can. By all means do so. This shows that you acknowledge your baby as a human life and a person. A person is a person no matter how small.
Forgetting
Most people believe that a baby doesn't exist unless they have been able to take their first breath. This is not so. You weren't pregnant for nothing. You didn't feel every kick or movement for nothing. You will never forget your baby. Your baby was a part of you and you a part of your baby. So hold onto what memories you have whether your baby's death was during or after pregnancy. You will never forget.
Emtpy
Yes, there will be a great emptiness inside. Over time this too will lessen but it will never completely go away. This is the spot in your heart for your baby.
Talking
Most people don't understand the intense emotions
that come with losing a baby. So they basically
ignore you or just change the subject. The only ones
who do understand and are willing to listen are those
who have suffered a pregnancy/infant loss and/or a
counselor. But the best thing is to find another who
has had a loss because they have been through exactly
what you are going through right now.
Being alone
Yes, this is a normal response of your emotions. Losing a child is very hard, you may not want anything to do with anyone or anything. This is also normal but you have to work with your emotions and overcome them so you don't get into a deep depression.
The Right Way
There is no right way to grieve. You will find what
is best for you. We all are unique in our grief.
What one does to help with their pain, may not work
for you. You do what you need to get through this
hard time.
Reality
Accepting the reality that your baby has died is a
necessary part of the grief process. "Accepting the
Reality" is hard because the reality was so untimely
and unnatural. It is hard to accept the loss of
something that you wanted so much and then the next
moment you know, your baby had died. Unfortunately
you have to accept it whether or not you want to.
Your baby's memory will live on in your heart.
Anger
Being angry is quite normal, you may ask yourself "why me?". I went through this as well. You may feel like you have let yourself and your husband/boyfriend down because the baby was inside you or you had just given birth and the baby died. After all, us women are lifegivers, not lifetakers. We never expect to lose a baby but when it happens, we are so overcome by so many emotions it is hard to decifer between them all.
Crying
It is okay to cry. Crying is the natural response to
pain, whether it is from physical or emotional pain.
Losing a baby is a very hard thing to overcome. You
will find that you may cry alot. That is okay, let
out your tears.
Memorializing
You can do many things like obtain a lock of hair, hand and feet prints, hold your baby, take pictures, dress your baby and take pictures of the baby in the outfit. You can do whatever you want to keep your baby's memory alive.
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